Our bundle of joy....'Meher'

Aug 30, 2008

How can I help my child to develop self-esteem?

Children need support and the presence of their parents to develop a good self-esteem and social skills for their future life. You can support your child by:
Offer help and support whenever needed
Be a positive model for handling negative feelings
Respect the privacy of your child
Respect your child as an individual and very special person
Welcome your child in your arms
Invite your child to spend time with you every day
Talk to him or her and support the verbal expression of emotions
Try to understand why the child feels like she or he feels, and validate feelings
Be interested in hobbies and strengths of your child
Admire creative thinking and individual problem-solving of your child
Encourage responsibility and social awareness

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Parenting tips

Encourage your child to think
Don't constantly force her to do things against her will. Still, parents command immediate obedience all the time. Although there was a generation where this was acceptable, such a generation is gone. And such obedience which obstructs thinking is no longer considered acceptable or desirable. Earlier on, children were not required to be independent, but things have changed. If you want to your child to do or not to do something, be prepared to back it up with a reason, better than, "Because I say so."
Building Individual Relationships
It is very natural for parents to have different views on child rearing. Sometimes the mother may be too strict while the father is lenient. Other times the father may believe in spanking a child who misbehaves while the mother strongly opposes this. So how would two parents, with completely opposing points of view, come to an agreement?
Respect
Parents don't have to come to an agreement. It's alright to have different views. However, it is important to respect your partner's right to his or her own stance on child rearing. Don't try and impose your opinions on your partner. If you believe hitting a child is wrong, then don't hit your child, but don't stop your partner from doing so.
Permission
Very often when children don't get permission from one parent, they rush to the other. In such a case it is important not to overrule a decision once made. If your partner has denied permission and your child comes wailing to you, ask your child to sit back and reflect on why she thinks she has not got permission, and what she can do in the future to ensure she gets it.
Playing parents against each other
If you take the side of your child against the other parent, your child will start playing you and your partner against each other. This will give the child the feeling that one partner is stronger than the other in the relationship, and will take, what she perceives to be the 'weaker' partner, for granted. Your child will not hesitate in running to you and saying "Mommy slapped me!" and then will sit back and take in the scene as you rush to her defense by berating mommy.
Individual relationships
Your child has an individual relationship with each parent, and the other parent should not interfere in such a relationship. In addition, parents have to respect children's individual relationships with not just the other parent, but also with friends and other relatives. If granny spoils your child, there's really nothing you can do about it. At worst, your child will learn to take granny for granted. But if granny says to you, "Okay, stop shouting at her now! Enough!" and to your child, "Come here sweety, granny will give you a cookie," - that constitutes granny interfering in your individual relationship with your child. Behaviour like this should be put at an end to immediately.

Our bundle of joy....'Meher'

Aug 30, 2008

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